deal with the devi-

His heart raced. Trepidation in his chest. He looked at his hands. They, at least, were still. He walked over to the blinds, and slowly pulled them down. His legs felt hot. His ears felt red. The room was musty. The carpet was shaggy beneath his bare feet. It was blue, his bed, now a cover on it, was red. The brown desk, standard sized, between the bed and the wall, was holding a collection of books that gave it character and texture. He grabbed the head of the bed. Steadying himself.

It had been a nice, quiet, summer night. Cool. Wind blowing softly. He stood at a little bit of a distance. Wary. The smell came up to him, tantalizing, and poisonous. He held his breath. He could feel the itch in his throat. He wanted to cough, to let it out, but he swallowed it. He sighed. This was something he was terribly uncomfortable with, but when you love someone, you let them do it. But did he have to? He was always terribly honest. Communicative. He was learning here that it didn’t always have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. It usually wasn’t. So he kept his mouth shut. And the honesty was squashed. But didn’t she see how bad it was?

His heart raced. From outside the window, in the park fifteen floors below, he could hear the jazz, he could hear the crowds. He glanced out the window, briefly. The trees looked beautiful in their orange fall foliage. The leaves gleamed in the light of the bright, yellow sun. He looked at the center of the room. She stood looking at him, arms folded, frown on her face. She had wanted this. He hadn’t. He had only agreed so she would give up the other thing.

She was done. The night sky twinkled. The lights in the Square were just as bright. Streetlights glowing with the power and might of the strongest, richest nation on earth. They walked back, hand in hand, to the Court where they had made pasta the day before.

Is it possible to take subtle, deep breaths? He thought he could. She didn’t comment, if she noticed at all.

He had pleaded with her many times to give it up. That night she had agreed. The condition was not a tasteful one. But it’s a give and take. For her health, he would let her do that.

Here she was. The jazz was loud. His heart was louder. She began.

This was a baby step. He didn’t know it then, but her agreeing to give this up, would lead to him asking for other things.

He kept his mind clear. They were cold. Ice cold. He shivered a little. Very slightly. He forced himself to stay still. Be solid. Her focus was all on it. Silence. The air conditioner hummed out a low solid tune. Something odd happened. He couldn't help it, he began to laugh. She left.