back into the x

Hūr looked up at the sky as it darkened. These were not the grey clouds of rain. These felt purple. Maybe his sight was tinged with the light from the stone. But he felt certain they were purple. His eyes glinted in the light changing color as they sometimes did. These were the purple clouds that served as omens to a time that was coming. Swirling around. Slithering. He closed his eyes, recrossed his legs back into the x he had formed when he had first sat down to meditate and thought. He thought back to the dreams he had had. Those unbidden thoughts that came to his mind when he had first seen her. And known. She was meant to be with him. And he with her. He thought of a normal life. Not being dragged into this. Maybe they could go back to one after all this ended. No, they could not. Maybe they could pretend. A house. A couple of kids running around, playing tag. Of course, she’d want more than two. He knew that as surely as he knew where he was. He knew that surely as he knew that his father had once been here too. He just knew. He thought about what could have been. So much nostalgia filled his heart for a life that could never have been. That was never in the cards. He hadn’t ever wanted a life like that one. Like the one he saw all around him growing up. Kids being normal, having normal lives. Having a father. Most of them did, even if some of their fathers were barely present. He hadn’t wanted their perfectly normal lives. He had been content, if a little worried about his destiny. He didn’t think it was too grandiose. Nor did he think his future held anything normal for him. He knew somehow instinctively that something was going to happen. Something big. Something bad. He knew he would never be normal. So he didn’t pretend. He got knocked down a bunch of times. They all thought he was crazy. He still didn’t pretend for their sake, but he learned to keep his mouth shut and keep him to himself. But right now, he wanted that. He wanted all of it. A normal life. With her. He sighed. His heart swelling up in emotion. He wanted all of it. With her. And her alone. A small house by the ocean. Maybe a small farm. Somewhere. Where they had found the first forest? New Zealand. Being a father. Playing with his kids after work. Ball. Or whatever. Riding. Just normal. The surge of nostalgia in his heart was overwhelming. He opened his eyes. He was surprised to find tears streaming down his face. In the silence that was characteristic of him, he wiped them away. Then he looked out into the horizon. He knew which one of them would come first. She was looking for him. He was looking for him. He knew which one would come first.