of anger and mortals

Red, fuming, lava burning inside. Bubbling, making hissing sounds as it reaches a boiling point. Once it has reached its boiling point, it will explode. For now, the signs are all there.

Ears feeling red and warm. Heart starting to pound faster. Pounding in the ears. Right before it erupts, these are some of the physical signs.

They say something. Something you don’t like. A walking bombshell. It could be anyone. Usually, it’s those closest to you. You’re most affected by the poisonous things they say. Most affected by the things they say without thinking. You’re, to put it in your own words, ‘a moody lil bitch’.

Right before the moment of explosion, eyes will blur. You will be seeing red. But that’s just a phrase, isn’t it. You thought for the longest time seeing red meant seeing through anger tinted glasses. Everything turned red. Seeing the world in shades of red. No, it’s just a phrase. It could mean different things for different people, or even different things for your different states of anger. For you, sometimes it means, your vision blurs. The world shakes. Other times, it’s crystal clear. Sometimes it might even be so clear that you only have tunnel vision. You see the object of your anger. A bull. Waiting to charge.

So they say things. Sometimes they walk on thin ice around you. You prefer that. To the alternative. You prefer that to everyone getting too attached. They each have their own problems. So do you. You’re not delusional.

Your hands might clench. You might sink further into the anger as you try to climb out of the pit you’re stuck in with this beast. You clench your fists, trying to draw blood to distract from your feelings. You only give it more power.

Some might be emotionally unavailable. Others might be bipolar, loving one moment, and when your guard is down, smashing things. Smashing things into your head. They each have their own problems. As do you. Are they normal? Are you? Is anyone? You don’t know the answer to that. You do know that you might be brave in some aspects, but when it comes to opening up to them, you’re a - to paraphrase - ‘scared lil bitch’.

The throbbing in your ear gets louder. Your heart starts racing. Your throat feels raw and dry. Your chest starts to hurt. You wish you were anywhere but here. You clench your mouth shut. 

You clench your mouth shut. And don’t say a word. Later, you will fume. This is the best way you have found to deal with the situation. If you explode then, you will be a Pompeii. You will hurt others. This way, you erupt alone. Burning your own skin. Alone we come, alone we leave. You are used to this. You hate being alone.

Your chest hurts, your ears prick up. Your hands feel warm. Your feet cold. The sensations in your body, they rumble. All going chaotic. Uncontrolled by your mind, which is on a violent rampage.

It explodes.