Pakistani Love Story circa ~2012
“So, then. You want a story and I will tell you one. But just the one. Don’t either of you ask me for more.”
I fear though, Shahrez already knows this one.
You don’t know me. I barely know you. Your boyfriend has been going behind your back since the spring of 2012. His cowardly cousins were going to tell you, by the way. Just, the day before you got married to him.
Why am I telling you this?
“When you have lived as long as I have, the div replied, you find that cruelty and benevolence are but shades of the same color.”
Because I'm through keeping this secret. It’s not mine to keep. I should never have been told. But I was.
Because most of your mutual circle knows. And none of them has said it to you yet.
Because I am an avid book worm. And I feel a certain kinship with you because of that. And I feel I owe you the truth.
Why do you not know?
“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of. What they don't want.”
Because as you can probably see, Shahrez works through fear. Most people are afraid he will hurt them if they tell you. I honestly hope they don’t enjoy keeping the secret from you. That would shatter any hope I have in humanity.
Why will you believe me or not believe me?
“A story is like a moving train: no matter where you hop on board, you are bound to reach your destination sooner or later.”
Because sometimes people don’t want to see the truth. I sincerely hope you are not one of those people. I hope you believe what I am saying. And I hope you free yourself. Before it goes so far that you get hurt beyond repair.
Because the truth always does come out. And sooner is always better than later.
Why?
“Alameen (humankind, the Jinn, and all other living beings) are gathered upon a vast, white, featureless ground, under the intense heat of the Sun overhead. They are naked, uncircumcised and crowded together to the point where some are submerged in their own sweat, as in the beginning of creation (Qur'an 21.104; Sahih Bukhari, book 55 "accounts of the prophets" number 656; Qur'an 5.117-118). The degree to which one is submerged in sweat depends on the extent of one's piety and goodness.”
On that day, when my Lord asks me about my deeds, I don’t want to remember the one left undone, and cringe. I want to have a clear conscience.
Honestly though, the real, the main reason I'm telling you is because I have nothing left to lose. I wish I could say it’s because i don't care. But that’s not it, not really. Like you, I am afflicted with the burden of caring too much.
“For courage, there must be something at stake. I come here with nothing to lose.”
And,
“J’aurais dû être plus gentille—I should have been more kind. That is something a person will never regret. You will never say to yourself when you are old, Ah, I wish I was not good to that person. You will never think that.”