In The Air part I

She shook her head, eyes still closed. She had closed them twelve minutes ago, six minutes before the pilot made the announcement that had made mother so worried. She had seen it coming. Ever since they had left home for the flight, she had had a bad feeling in her stomach. Like when she was sick, but worse. It had started before Timothy whined and whimpered, his tail between his legs. A little before, but he had felt it too.

She had grabbed onto her mother’s leg. Yes, she wanted to meet daddy, but she had a really bad feeling. Like something was sinking. Her mother just shook her head. Bad decision, kids are attuned to the feelings and waves and currents of the world. Adults lose that attunement in the midst of the storms of their worries, the tragedies, and tensions. 

On the way to the airport, she couldn't shake off the feeling, her usually smooth forehead lined with creases. Her mother got her her favorite kind of chocolate milk from the store at the start of the airport, where they usually waited when daddy got home. It was brightly lit, and so many colors, some of the posters peeling off from the sides. But it was her spot. The chocolate milk they had here, if she were to grade it, it would be an A-Plus. No, not even that, A-Plus times infinity. She didn’t know how to count to infinity just yet. But she would soon. She was learning. It was her goal. Daddy said it was good to make goals.

The thought of seeing him in a bit cheered her up a little. But now the milk was in her stomach, and she could feel it swirling around the bad feeling, and the bad feeling was eating it up, because feelings get hungry too, right? And the bad feeling got big and strong, and it hurt her even more. She grabbed her stomach tight, and clenched her hands, and look straight ahead. It was hard not to cry. But her friend had made fun of her in school for crying, and she was going to be brave. Like daddy. Daddy never cried. Mommy did sometimes when he wasn’t here. When she was sad. But daddy never cried.

The air hostess taking tickets smiled at her, and talked to her in that way adults do when they think you’re like two years old, and she smiled back, even though inside her stomach, the feeling was dancing badly. And in her head, she was a little annoyed by the hostess and the feeling.

She had closed her eyes when she thought the feeling started laughing. It was an evil laugh like MoJo JoJo does on the Powerpuff girls. That kind of laugh. When he does it, it’s funny. But when the feeling did it, it hurt. She closed her eyes. Right after that, the sounds started. The thunder, the roaring, and she whimpered. Just a little. Quietly. She didn’t think mommy heard. It was loud, and sounded angry. The darkness behind her eyelids stared back at her. Shapes starting to form. Her seat felt warm, and stuffy. The air conditioning was still very strong.

The thunder grumbled now, content with the loud roar from earlier, maybe it was tired. She didnt know when she had grabbed her mother’s hand, but it felt nice. There was the ring, the pretty one she said daddy had gotten her. She sometimes took it off when the other men came and visited mommy.

The airplane smelled of old people and farts. She could feel it struggling. Then the pilot made the announcement. She could tell mommy was worried by the way she tightened her grip.