Hearing Volumes in the Silence of Parents

Saad had the perfect life. He was popular in school, when he walked in through the barely cleaned, dimly lit high school corridors, it was as if there were a spotlight on him. When he opened his locker, which seemed to have a well oiled hinge, it did not creak like the other lockers did, when he opened his locker, it felt like others craned to see what was inside, hoping to get a glimpse of his success. He was captain of the swimming team, unlike the other swimmers, he did not smell of chlorine, his skin was not saggy. He had a great swimmer’s body. His smile was charming, his grades were great. He was well liked, he was well loved.

No one knew though.

If you were to take a pick to his cranium, crack it open and peer inside, there would be a lot you would that you would not expect. Certainly not these gangly teenagers going through changes in their body, chemicals in their brains, these teenagers with freckles and worried smiles. No one would suspect it.

Inside his head was an emptiness. He was always surrounded by people, he was always outgoing, yet inside his head, he was all alone. Just him, in a shadowy dark world.

He had a charming, a disarming smile, yet inside his head, there was nothing but worry and doubt.

He was friends with everyone but the two people that mattered most; his parents. That was the source of his worries, the source of his uncertainty, the alpha, and the omega within his head, within his personal universe.

But first, a brief respite. Everyone has a universe. Everyone is a universe within themselves. Their friendships, their animosities, everyone one touches during one’s life, has been touched by the divine universe that you are. When you die, cease to exist, your universe turning to dust, all others that have been within your sphere are affected.

Back to Saad. The two moons always orbiting around his universe were his mother and father. He made jokes about brown parenting to people, but good jokes are rooted in truth, and these were a bit too true, and rung too close to home.

If you took a pick, and cracked open his skull, you would see every decision colored by the two people that had given him existence. His girlfriend, what would they think? His swimming, did they think he was wasting his time? Would they think it was good enough? They came to his meets, but they never seemed happy. Was he doing too badly? His grade point average was much better than average, but it was not perfect. They did not say anything about it, but he saw the pursed lips. He saw the smiles below the eyes that did not smile. He heard volumes in the silence. Religion was not a big part of his life, he wondered what they thought of that. Even those small nudges seemed like echoes, like shouts.

Saad was perfect. He was a perfect human, in that he had many imperfections. He was worried, he was driving himself crazy. He was unsure, he was never satisfied, what if they were never satisfied?