Parting

Two losses in one day. A sinking in his stomach, eyes brimming with tears, burning with fear. He could smell the cold floor and feel the sweat in the air. It was salty, fatty, and reeked of necessity. They led her away. She did not cry. She did not understand what was going on. The man dragged her away, within seconds, it was done. He stared for a brief second, and turned around, heart sinking deeper than Atlantis had. His phone was in his hands, strange, he did not remember grabbing it, and his thumb was poised above the keyboard, to type out a message. If I send it, this will become more real. It would become stronger. Instead, his thumb found the lock button on the side. The screen went black. He turned away before he saw his reflection in it. He looked ahead of him. Throngs of people. Big, fat, tall, black, white, brown. Wearing thick colorful headscarves, wearing nothing but the thinnest veneer of clothing. Marching by, same expression on most faces: lack of curiosity and of interest.

His fingers were steady. Strange. He looked at his callused palm, turned it around, saw the red, raw flaky skin. It always became this way in winter, he shook his head in discontent. Inside, he was struggling to contain the fire, the lava that was threatening to swallow him whole, painfully hot, burning more with each second. He looked towards the walls they had taken her, and fought back a sob. He imagined her being scared now that she could no longer see him.

She could no longer smell him. How happy she had been right before, when they were playing, waiting for someone to come. Jumping on him. Big, powerful tail wagging. She didn’t think she was a puppy still, but she did not understand how big she was. Her eyes sparkling with joy, her small snout on him.

How happy she had been when they had been sitting waiting in line, how comfortable, at home. When she was lying on the floor, looking around at people, and if they were some behind her, she’d turn her head around, place it on his arm, resting it there, looking at people.

His heart shattered a little. The mumbling kept going on. People were indifferent. The world was cold. Strange. He had promised her they would not do this again. Maybe that was why she did not cry. She did not understand. She believed him. Maybe that was why. His eyes felt puffy and red.

She would be alone in her crate, that was now not too big for her, which meant she would barely have room to move around. She would be alone for twenty four hours, without food or water, in the cold cargo hold. And his heart was breaking with every second for her. He had promised her. Why did he do this to himself, why did he do this to her. He almost prayed to the gods above, if there were any, for her safety. He gave his passport to security.